Title: News from Mutant High
Author:
Lisea
Rating: PG
Notes: The email
addys take you nowhere:)
More Notes: This is strictly a poor
attempt on humor, not to be taken seriously.
***
Subject: Mutant High Online
Newsletter
Sender: mhoneditor@xavier.edu
Send To:
cxavier@xavier.edu, ssummers@xavier.edu,
jgrey@xavier.edu,
omunroe@xavier.edu,
logan@xavier.edu, bdrake@xavier.edu,
kpryde@xavier.edu, jlee@xavier.edu,
marie@xavier.edu,
stjallerdyce@xavier.edu
MUTANT HIGH ONLINE
NEWSLETTER
THIS WEEK'S HEADLINES:
TEENAGER'S MUMMIFIED
BODY FOUND IN BOATHOUSE - RED SUNGLASSES FOUND ON SITE
REPORTS ON WEIRD MEDICAL EXPERIMENTS IN SECRET
BASEMENT
KITCHEN'S NIGHTLY ATTACKS SOLVED - CLAWMARKS ON
FRIDGE A DEAD GIVEAWAY
SHOCKING REVELATION: SUGAR REPLACED BY
SWEETENER - STUDENTS SUFFER FROM WITHDRAWAL
SYMPTOMS
TEENAGER'S MUMMIFIED BODY FOUND IN BOATHOUSE
- RED SUNGLASSES FOUND ON SITE
A young teenager's mummified
body was found in the boathouse last week. The shocking discovery
was made when Mr. Logan -- a teacher at Xavier's -- noticed a smell
while holding a afternoon p.e class by the lake last week.
The
police revealed that the victim was a student in Xavier's in the
mid-nineties, who had gone missing one night after a fight with one
of the teachers. The teacher is now a suspect, since a pair of red
sunglasses were found on the site. Carbon dating confirms the
glasses are from the same time as the body was buried. The
authorities refused to give the teacher's name for publication. More
on this as the case unravels.
REPORTS ON WEIRD MEDICAL
EXPERIMENTS IN SECRET BASEMENT
Students at Xavier's have made
reports about experimentations in a alleged lab complex hidden
beneath the school grounds. The reports claim there had been
screaming heard at nights, and that strange, green fumes has been
flowing out of the mansion's ventilation systems.
Our reporter
caught Dr. Jean Grey early Monday morning, but she refused to
comment. Our reporter then went to the doctor's husband, who agreed
to reveal some information, but asked to meet us in the boathouse
later that night. Unfortunately, our reporter slept in and missed
the scoop.
One student came forward and confided in us that the
fumes he had inhaled at night had caused his hair to turn blue, but
when we confronted the headmaster, Professor Charles Xavier himself,
he had assured us the boy's hair had been chemically treated, and
there was no such thing as an underground lab complex. We didn't see
a reason to press the issue further.
KITCHEN'S NIGHTLY
ATTACKS SOLVED - CLAWMARKS ON FRIDGE A DEAD GIVEAWAY
Over the
last weeks, reports came in about the mysterious raidings of the
kitchen's fridge. The staff had found the kitchen messed up on
countless mornings, but the last attack left the final clue to solve
the case. Three clawmarks were found on the fridge door on early
Sunday morning.
Just in case, the staff had set up a surveillance
camera in the kitchen the night before. The footage clearly shows a
small, furry animal coming in from a window.
-We think it's a
wolverine, Ororo Munroe, a staff member says.
-There's a
wolverine living it the woods nearby, another staff member says,
wishing to be called "Just Logan".
-The students have fed it, and
think of it somewhat of a pet. But I'll take care of it. Right away,
Mr. Logan said, before quickly leaving the scene.
SHOCKING REVELATION: SUGAR REPLACED BY SWEETENER -
STUDENTS SUFFER FROM WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS
Yesterday, the whole
student body suffered severe withdrawal symptoms after the cafeteria
sugar had been replaced by an artificial sweetener.
The school's
medical doctor, Jean Grey:
-We found several student shaking on
the cafeteria floor, and some were tearing out the kitchen cupboards
in search of sugar. Then there were some who were just sitting by
the table, apathic.
-It will take time to get the students to
face this trauma, and move on. We believe this to be a act done on
purpose, and we will find the person responsible, said Professor
Xavier, the headmaster of the school.
Mutant High Online
Newsletter did a little digging of their own. We discovered that
Ororo Munroe has been recorded by the surveillance cameras at the
main gate. The surveillance tapes show Ms. Munroe driving off
grounds, demonstration signs on the back seat with texts like:
"Sugar kills your teeth", Down With Sugar", and "Send Sugar To The
Moon Forever". In the tapes, Ms. Munroe is shown wearing a "Sugar Is
Evil"- t-shirt, commonly seen among people who belong to the feared
"Artificial Sweetener is God"- cult.
ANNOUNCEMENTS:
Friday, 13th Jan:
Mr. Summers's
history class: Schooltrip to Leceister, NY: Lecture of the history
of museums. Bus leaves at 7.30 a.m. from the main gate. Everyone not
wishing to attend can report to Mr. Summers at the boathouse an hour
before.
MISSING:
Two cats, tabby, about four years old.
Goes by the names of Cuddles and Toddles. Anyone with information
about these two cats, please come to Logan's office.
Reward.
Got a scoop?
Send to: mhon@xavier.edu,
or alternatively to
youllnevercatchme@xavier.edu
***
"Who writes
these?" Scott asked, after reading the print-out the Professor had
given him.
"I don't know. It's addressed to all the teachers
and five oldest students, who we all know. I've already talked to
them, and they don't know anything of this" Xavier informed him,
Jean, Ororo and Logan.
"It seems to be harmless. Funny, too"
Jean chuckled.
"Says you," Logan grunted.
"I asked
Kitty to find this sender from our server. It doesn't seem to
exist."
"Excuse me?" Ro asked. She and computers weren't on
speaking terms.
"The address, where it came from:
mhon@xavier.edu. It doesn't exist."
"So, what do we do about
it?" Jean asked.
"For the moment, it's harmless, as you
said. We'll just have to wait if there will be more, and until then,
there's nothing we can do. Now, let's head for dinner, shall
we?"
The teachers got up (except Xavier, of course) and took
a course for the kitchen.
"Always knew you've murdered your
students, One-Eye. How'd you do it? Trig test?" Logan teased Scott
while they were walking down the hall.
"I have Coddles and
Toddles, Furball. I'm keeping them hostage in the boathouse" Scott
threw back, and Jean chuckled under his arm.
"What are you
laughing at, Red? Fumes getting to you?" Logan sneered at
her.
"Maybe. But not enough to go raid the kitchen, you
little furry creature, you" Jean snickered, reached over and fuzzed
up his hair.